ENJOY THE JOURNEY.....at least that is what I keep telling myself....aarrgg....

When people hear that we have adopted Adrian or that they hear we are "waiting" again for another adoption, I get all sorts of reactions. Some of the comments go like this: "it takes a special person to adopt" or "what's wrong with that birthmom" or "be glad you don't have to go through a pregnancy" or "I couldn't do what your doing"......I think you get the idea.

Yes, we are waiting again. We have been waiting since January 2008 (this means I am.....6 months prego). I know, not many people have known because we have kept it on the low down....except for those of you who read our blog. You have seen our baby contest going on. :) It is hard to be around women who are pregnant or have recently given birth. We have a lot of women in our church who are pregnant and of course, some family members and friends are expecting. Although, I am really excited for them, I also am jealous. They get the excitment of going through the pregnancy months making memories and having a target date for the birth of their child. They get to enjoy the baby while in the womb. They get to comment and talk about their baby with others, as the months go by. They get a whole different experience that I don't get.

Recently, I sat with a group of great women. One was pregnant and two had recently given birth to a child. I began to listen to the two women laugh and talk about how they like to pick when they get pregnant. They discussed their stratagies on how to get pregnant. I felt so uncomfortable being there. I wanted to just leave and not be there because I couldn't relate. What I knew in my heart was I had no control over when we would get a baby. Total opposite of how these ladies were talking. Let's just say it was REALLY hard to be there watching the experience.

I don't think people realize how hard it is to want a child and yet you have NO control on when that baby will come. We could be waiting one month to years......it all depends on when we get picked. And getting picked still doesn't mean it is a garuntee. The garuntee is when the baby is in your home and the parents rights are terminated. The birthmom could change her mind andy time through the pregnancy up to the delivery of the baby. Our profile (pictures and letters) have been looked at twice (maybe more, but know of 2 times). Once in Feb (she decided to keep the baby) and one month ago (she didn't pick us). We went to a birthmom support group to share our story of Adrian's placement and our relationship with Stacy (Adrian's birthmom). It was an awesome experience. It was hard because here again were some great women who were pregnant and they were having trouble picking an adoptive couple. Here we were sitting and smiling....wishing it was us. Here is what I feel like I get sometimes.....

I get to wish, hope and wait. I don't get to pick when we will get our baby. I don't get to know what the sex is before we get the baby. I don't get to hear everyone talk about how they are excited that we are getting another. I get to wait and hope for a miracle in our family. We place our future not only in Heavenly Father's hands but mostly in the hands of a birthmom. Not knowing when, where, why or how she will pick us.

So I have decided to do my best to enjoy the journey of my trial. I need to be grateful for the time I have had to prepare for the coming of the baby. I need to be grateful to the blessings that Heavenly Father has blessed us with. I know we will have children.....we have seen the miracles already happen, in tiny spiritual moments. Ok, I think I have said enough.....or maybe too much!! :)

Thanks for listening!!!